Before her relocation, wepsi was a bN asset placed at the embassy in Malta. On the night of the 7th, she intercepted a cable from our common enemy Lord Chassley indicating a plot to steal the archduke’s bearer bonds.
Regrettably, she had been seduced by a waiter during her dinner that night at the chateau chapeau d’âne and so was profoundly intoxicated with lust and Absinthe by the time the car pulled up to the depository and its trunk opened to reveal a midget with a broadsword.
The midget, who was later identified as a retired jockey apparently talked into the caper after several shots of Laudanum, managed to snatch the bonds and the word on the street is that he was last seen passing the financials off to a vampire circus midget selling hot dogs on Seventh Avenue.
Dimensiation: wepsi was a small woman with big dreams
me: and with a small boat
Dimensiation: haha
wepsi often dreamed of going on a long trip to meet her imaginary friends(kids dont know about the internet)
so she said to herself, im going to make my boat seaworthy
me: lol
Dimensiation: so wepsi drove down to the marine store about looked at the items for sale
she saw a small motor and thought ”aha! this will be good for calm days”
as she looked around the store some more, she saw a sailing kit to turn her boat into a sailboat
me: this story needs more pictures…
Dimensiation: ”aha!” she thought, ”this will make my boat move quickly and without having to use gas(which is expensive in europe)”
so wepsi took her items to the front and paid for them
me: with cash or dad’s visa?
Dimensiation: over the next few weeks, wepsi set about making her boat into a lean, mean, sailing machine
me: lol
Dimensiation: the progress was evident as the mast went up and the hull was shaped to make it sail better
a cabin was built to keep out the rain
when it was done, wepsi looked over her handiwork and decided that it was good
so she decided to take it out for a test drive in the sea
me: hehe
Dimensiation: so wepsi drove down to the capital with her boat in tow
it was quite a sight, because people stopped to watch as it went by
me: you are a real story-teller…
Dimensiation: she finally reached the capital city and launched her boat at the access area
do you want to illustrate the story?
me: i might later
Dimensiation: heh
so on this beautiful day, wepsi paddled out to her boat and climbed aboard
she unfurled the sails and let the wind take her out into the bay
me: when will the handsom prince step in?
Dimensiation: she sailed around for several hours, learning the ins and outs of her boat and becoming familiar with its operation. she then moored her boat and went ashore
wepsi began to prepare for her trip. it would be a long journey, and she wouldd need many supplies
she packed up clothes, for it can be very cold on the sea
and packed food, because fish get tiring after several weeks
she packed extra parts in case her boat broke
she packed fuel for her engine
me: no map or compass?
Dimensiation: and when she finished all that packing, she said ”i am ready”
she went down to the capital to prepare to set sail, but a young man grabbed her wrist
he said ”its dangerous to go alone! here, take this!” and proferred his open hand
in it, there was a handsome, if small, prince
me: heheh
lol
Dimensiation: ”i can guide you on your way” said the prince
”i am skilled at navigating by the stars”
me: ooh
Dimensiation: and so wepsi took the prince into her hand and rowed out into the harbor
by this time, the afternoon sun had turned the sky a golden orange and wepsi thought there couldnt be a better time to set sail on her maiden voyage
so she unmoored her boat and sailed out towards to the greater baltic and eventually the northern sea
me: and across atlantic?
Dimensiation: she waved farewell to all the well-wishers on the shore, and the prince shouted ”la premier voyage, c’est bon,” because he was french
me: ooh… a french prince… is he fresh too?
Dimensiation: youre not sailing to bel air
me: damn
Dimensiation: you know where bel air is, right?
me: yeah, los angeles
Dimensiation: do you really want to sail that far
youd have to go meet panama jack
and sail by cuba and mexico
where you might get boarded by DIRTY COMMUNISTS!
me: ew
Dimensiation: anyways, theres a whole big atlantic to get across first
me: no communists pls
Dimensiation: haha
so, wepsi and the little prince set their sites for england, since it was a convenient location on their trip
the first leg of the trip was fairly uneventful, and as they sailed by the white cliffs of dover, the prince remarked how this would be the last earth they would see for a while
me: did i bring a camera? so i could take pics of the cliffs
Dimensiation: you did
me: good
Dimensiation: so wepsi took a picture such that it looked like the prince was standing valiantly on the cliffs, looking off into the sunset
”yeap” she said, ”this will look good in my travel album”
me: heheh
Dimensiation: and so the prince guided them by the stars
”thats the north star” he said, ”and it will always maintain its position in the sky on this trip. we’re going to follow it all the way until our next stop”
and so wepsi and the little prince began their journey into the wild and stormy atlantic ocean
the cliffs of dover long past, wepsi discovered just how important her boat work had been. the waves were as tall as her mast and she went up and down like a rollercoaster
wind battered her sails and rain came down in sheets
me: hrmm… good think i packed sea sickness medicine
Dimensiation: wepsi put on her rain hat and suit and set to work keeping the ship under control
eventually the storm passed, and sailing life returned to normal
the prince, who had taken to climbing the ropes to be a lookout, noticed a small sail in the background
”wepsi” he called down, ”i think we’re being followed”
me: ooh
suspense!
Dimensiation: and so wepsi took out her spyglass and looked towards the eastern horizon
what she saw chilled her to the bones: a red and white striped square sail sitting above a low boat with a dragon head on it. VIKINGS!
me: hehe
Dimensiation: ”we must hurry” cried the prince, ”for if they catch us we shall surely perish by their sword!”
and so wepsi broke out the motor in a hurry and fueled it up, hoping against hope that they could outrun the vikings
but vikings are very strong and they rowed day and night to overtake wepsis boat
they soon came within range and the viking warriors prepared to raid wepsis small boat
me: eek!
Dimensiation: the prince went below decks and reappeared shortly, toothpick in hand. ”youll never take us alive” he shouted much to the chagrin of the vikings
me: lol
Dimensiation: wepsi grabbed a flashlight and swung it about like a club, shouting ”COME ON THEN! TAKE ME IF YOU CAN!”
and the first warrior jumped onto the boat! the prince shouted ”en garde!” and poked the viking in the foot
me: i forgot my sword? 🙁
Dimensiation: at the same time, wepsi clubbed him in the head and he fell overboard into the cold sea
you did forget your sword
swords are heavy and not necessary on boat travel
me: bah
Dimensiation: at this, the other vikings stared in amazement
”who are you, mighty warrior” came a roar from the viking ship
a man appeared, with golden locks and a bead halfway down his belly. it was the biggest man wepsi had ever seen
me: did they blast speed metal?
Dimensiation: they did not
he had on a most fearsome helmet, a conical piece with a faceguard and two swirling horns on the sides
wepsi looked on with dread as the viking drew out his sword
”im not afraid of you” shouted the prince. ”youll have to get through me first!”
me: brave prince
Dimensiation: but the viking did not come aboard as the first one had. he addressed wepsi: ”for one of such small stature, you have a viking heart”
”for bravery in battle, i have decided to hereby make you one of my warrior clan”
me: yay
Dimensiation: the rest of the vikings cheered and raised their swords at this
”furthermore,” the chief went on, ”we will give you passage to your next destination if you so desire it”
the prince spoke up at this point. ”i am the navigator and we are on our way to iceland”
”if this is not out of your way, we would be honored to accompany you”
me: iceland? oh… greenland -> canada
Dimensiation: at this point, wepsi and the prince set off with the viking ship alongside
for days they sailed the north sea
they saw whales and icebergs and all sorts of water birds
finally, they reached the land of ice, where the vikings were going to stay
the captain spoke again: ”wepsi, it is here that we must part ways. i have a gift for you”
and he presented to her a small viking helmet and sword
me: a real viking sword… sweet!
Dimensiation: ”these will mark you as one of our own should you meet any vikings on your journey”
”tell them you are an emissary of lodbruk longsword and you will be treated well”
me: hehe
Dimensiation: ”my brother erik has a settlement on the next large island you will come across” lodbruk went on, ”and if you are going that way i would like to pass a message to him”
he handed wepsi a parchment in a bottle and bade her farewell
as they left iceland, wepsi turned and raised her new sword to the sky; the vikings on shore did the same
me: and prince took pictures…
Dimensiation: indeed he did
the prince, who wanted to capture the moment, jumped on the picture button
me: thanks for the story so far 🙂
Dimensiation: ok
so onwards they sailed
across the northern sea they moved, through storms and calm, through ice and open sea
it was a beautiful day, with the waves barely cresting and nothing in sight, when there was a sudden bump and the boat stopped
”what can this be” thought wepsi, and she looked around to see what they had hit
up near the prow, she saw something sticking up from the water, a spiraled horn
me: awww
Dimensiation: up it rose out of the water until the face of a narwahl appeared
”who dares come through my sea” said the narwhal
”i am wepsi the viking warrior and i am on my way to greenland”
”not without paying toll first” said the narwhal
”you must give me all your fish if you wish to pass”
me: good thing the prince is a good fisherman…
Dimensiation: wepsi thought hard. they didnt have any leftover fish
they hadnt bothered to catch more than they needed at any time
wepsi told the narwhal that they had no fish and thus would not have to pay the toll. the narwhal didnt like this idea
while the whale pondered what to demand next, wepsi grabbed her sword and swung at the narwhal
but the narwhal was a skilled swordswhale as well, and knew how to duel
on and on they fought, for hours, each thrust parried and matched
me: lol
Dimensiation: wepsi was beginning to tire when the whale sunk back into the ocean
”i tip my head to you, viking warrior” said the whale
you are indeed a worthy opponent and i will let you pass. at this, he swam back into the depths
wepsi and the prince sailed onwards
me: yay
Dimensiation: ”LAND” cried the prince one evening, sitting up in his viewing post
and wepsi broke out her spyglass once again, and sure enough there was land ahead
”this must be greenland” she thought, ”but it doesnt look very green”
me: hehe
Dimensiation: as they got closer, she saw smoke rising from a small collection of buildings
me: lodbruk’s brother?
Dimensiation: ”that has to be lodbruks brothers village” she thought
and remembering what lodbruk had said, she went below and got her helmet and sword
standing proudly with sword raised high, she sailed right into the bay
but as she approached shore, arrows began to fly towards the boat, cutting the sails and rigging
me: yikes
Dimensiation: ”TURN AROUND” wepsi shouted to the prince, who hauled on the tiller as much as he could
arrows continued to hail down as wepsi made her way back to assist the prince
me: scary story…
Dimensiation: one even glanced off her helmet and stuck into the ship
wepsi and the prince managed to bring the ship around and sail out of range of the archers on shore
me: yay
Dimensiation: ”i dont think theyre very friendly” said the prince, eyeing the tree sized arrows around him
”lets get out of here”
”i agree” said wepsi and they sailed right back out of the bay
me: good thing they didn’t hit the prince…
Dimensiation: they continued to sail along the coast, looking for any other evidence of lodbruks brother. scouts from the first village tracked their progress every day
wepsi pondered much during these days
”why hadnt lodbruk said anything about this other village? maybe he didnt know. maybe it was a test. maybe they had killed lodbruks brother.” answers didnt come
me: aww
Dimensiation: eventually, the scouts stopped following them. to their surprise, more smoke was rising from the west.
me: another village!
Dimensiation: ”perhaps these people will be more friendly” said the prince. ”i didnt much care for the last group.”
me: they were bad people…
Dimensiation: wepsi thought hard about how she wanted to approach this village. ”the viking outfit might upset them, but if its lodbruks brother they might kill me before i have a chance to put it on.” she decided it would be safer to wear it than not, since they had escaped the last village unharmed.
me: does the prince have a helmet?
Dimensiation: again, wepsi stood tall on the boat, looking in towards the village. this one appeared more like lodbruks had, with long huts and dragons on the roofs.
”AHOY!” she called towards the shore
men poured out of the longhouse. ”these have to be vikings” she said to the prince, ”they look the same with their hair and beards”
me: yay, good people!
Dimensiation: at this point, wepsi felt secure enough to sail up to the docks, where vikings helped tie up her boat
they escorted wepsi and the prince into the longest house, where another giant man sat in a tall wooden chair
”erik” wepsi said, and removed her helmet
”i come bearing a message from lodbruk from iceland,” and she handed over the bottle
erik read the missive, looked up at wepsi, and frowning, read it again
”perhaps, perhaps” he muttered to himself, though it could be heard throughout most of the hall
me: ooh…
secret message
Dimensiation: ”come, wepsi, let us treat you to the best food and drink we have. lodbruk says that we are to treat you with the utmost respect and hospitality”
me: yay
Dimensiation: that evening, wepsi and the prince sat at the long wooden table with erik and his warriors and feasted upon wild meats, fish, and bird. the prince stabbed at the meat with a small fork and attempted to fit the smallest chunks into his mouth
me: mmmmm
i hope the prince didn’t fall in any glasses
Dimensiation: ”wepsi,” said erik, ”i wish for you to stay here a week, and then you will accompany us on a mission directed by lodbruk. he has faith in you”
for the next week, wepsi and the prince trained with teh viking warriors and feasted with erik at night
at the end of the week, erik loaded his warriors into several boats and began shouting orders from the prow. ”we sail south west!”
”the fury of the north is coming!”
me: attacking dirty canadians?
Dimensiation: and sail they did
they soon saw greenland disappear in their wake, and open sea was their home for about a week
land again appeared, much greener and richer than before
”further south!” shouted erik
me: yay land
Dimensiation: and the mighty vikings rowed and wepsi and the prince sailed alongside them
down and down the coast they sailed. eventually, they came to a river opening where ships were coming and going
”this is it, the land we’ve been waiting for” cried erik and the vikings roared so mightily the prince thought he might get knocked overboard
me: aww
Dimensiation: down the river they sailed and rowed, ignoring the large freighters and getting confused looks by the other boaters
me: he should be on my shoulder or something
Dimensiation: the river got thinner and thinner until the viking ships were oar to oar with each other. sails were brought up and the boats proceeded in a line
”we’re nearing land” said erik, ”so everyone get suited up. this is going to be a surprise”
the vikings brought up tarpaulins to cover their ships and hide their intentions from other ships
me: another fight?
Dimensiation: wepsi took the prince belowdecks and prepared him
he took his little fork and jabbed the air, shouting ”we come to conquer!”
me: hehe
Dimensiation: wepsi put on her helmet and buckled her sword to her belt
she poked her head up to check on their progress. land was within swimming distance ahead
erik was standing on the bow of his ship, holding onto the dragon head and looking fierce
”prince” said wepsi, ”we may be in for a big fight. are you ready”
”as ill ever be” shouted the prince, stabbing the air several times
me: poor air…
Dimensiation: wepsi felt a crunch, meaning her boat had reached land. she heard shouts as the vikings through off their tarpaulins and leaped ashore
wepsi jumped overboard, with the prince catching a flying strap and holding on for dear life
me: *takes better hold of the prince*
Dimensiation: she let loose a battle cry and drew her sword, shouting ”TO VICTORY!” ”à la victoire!” shouted the prince
wepsi and the prince fought bravely in battle, along with erik and his viking warriors
me: with indians?
Dimensiation: and single-handedly, they took over montreal
me: lol
Dimensiation: the vikings started a new settlement on montreal, and wepsi and the prince lived happily ever after. fin.
me: yay
*applause*
